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The War of the Arrows

arrows

The arrows

 I’m going to share two seemingly disconnected events to “set the stage.” Come along for the ride–it will all make sense in three minutes.

1. On Sunday evening, Mike Hyatt shared a post from Jason Wert.  It was late at night, the house was quiet and I had time to read it.   I think God set that moment and environment because it hit me hard.  There were tears…lots of them.  But in a “good cry” sort of way.

2.The next morning, I received an email that Lindsey had done a new post entitled “With Gratitude”.  In it, she said this: “I truly believed I could just do my thing with God and I didn’t need to be “plugged in” to a religious body. But honestly after a few years of that kind of thinking, I discovered I wasn’t really even doing “my thing with God.” I was really doing my thing with me. And when I did find myself back in church, I couldn’t get past the vast distance between me and God. I wasn’t adequate. All I could see was sin, my sin.”  Again, there were tears.  I knew God was opening my eyes to a lesson, but I hadn’t quite grasped it yet.

Finally, this morning, I had the lightbulb moment and it’s been kicking my tail ever since (and still more crying).  We all have one area where we are more sensitive and more apt to struggle.  For me, it’s relationships. 

Suddenly, there’s a road map running through my head of all the places where the enemy has attacked my heart through life.  It’s amazing to me that of all the things I’ve struggled with and pushed through, at the core of most problems has been an assault on the relationships I’m involved in. And only those who really know me (ok, those I’ve let know the real me) know that I am probably one of the most sensitive, intuitive, relationally minded people you’d ever meet.  The irony is maddening.

With this knowledge, I’ve made some very clear decisions:

  1. I will give with no expectations-I’ve always enjoyed doing for others, but that venom of “need” made me question if it was noticed, appreciated, etc.
  2. I will confront chaos-I have someone in my circle who has her own struggles and projects them onto me.  It’s time for a “new day” chat.
  3. I will share my talents-Jason said something profound about giving his passions back to God and allowing Him to have full control.  I realized that I’ve been keeping mine hidden away. 
  4. I will fully plug back into a church community-Choosing single parenthood years ago didn’t go over well at my church.  It was so painful that I became disillusioned with “church” and went from active member to sporadic visitor.  I miss it.  And I need it.

Normally, I’d pose a question to wrap up.  But, today, I’ll end with this.  So close to Thanksgiving, there’s much I’m thankful for.  A child who melts my heart and was truly handpicked just for me to raise. Parents, both adopted and blood who love me in spite of my faults.  Friends who have dug in with me.  A workplace where I can thrive.  But more than anything, I am thankful that God loves us enough to get to the hurt, expose the lie, and show us the path.  His love is unfathomable.  But getting in the trenches with us…there are no words for the emotion tied to that one.

Be blessed today!

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13 Responses to “The War of the Arrows”

  1. Jason November 25, 2009 at 6:04 am #

    You have me in tears this morning. God bless you.

    BTW…I attend Crosspoint Church and they’ve been a tremendous blessing on my life. I don’t know if you have a church in mind but I’d recommend you visit CP.

    • JenDeshler November 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm #

      Jason,

      It’s always neat to see how God uses us in the “bigger picture”.

  2. Sibella Giorello November 25, 2009 at 2:44 pm #

    Jen, as they say down-under “good on ya!” You did the hard painful work of looking inside, then staying vulnerable to hear all God had to say. That is courage defined.

    And now the healing begins. I can’t wait to see what blessing God makes out of this spirit-led obedience. Talk about arrows….

    Sibella

    • JenDeshler November 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm #

      Sibella,

      You’re so right. Thanks for the encouragement :)

  3. Colleen Coble November 25, 2009 at 3:42 pm #

    Love your transparency and heart, Jen! Praying for you, friend!
    Colleen

  4. Doug Erickson November 26, 2009 at 1:19 am #

    This is your best post since I’ve been a subscriber, Jen. It takes great courage to reveal your true heart, to lay yourself open and vulnerable to the world.
    Don’t stop writing. Don’t stop sharing. And never stop believing that God has big plans for your life.

    • JenDeshler November 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm #

      Doug,

      You have been such a blessing to me (and many others, I’m sure). I pray that at some point, we get to work together. But in the meantime, I’m thankful to know you online. Appreciate you!

  5. Tod Shuttleworth November 26, 2009 at 10:00 am #

    Prayin for you sister. You know there are many that love you at TNI. You are a special person. Happy Thanksgiving. We all have so much to be thankful.

    • JenDeshler November 29, 2009 at 2:40 pm #

      Tod,

      You’re right–there is much to be thankful for. I’m thankful for what you add to the world–great knowledge, and wit unmatched elsewhere :)

  6. Rachel Hauck November 27, 2009 at 4:14 pm #

    So good, Jennifer! Well written, well thought out, transparent… I love your heart.

    I’ve spent a lot of time “on the back row” with Jesus thinking He’d let folks pass me by, let others overlook me, but it was then I realized I had the best seat in the house. And He was with me, never leaving me, loving the back row with me.

    Such a journey in this life to the high calling. I’m so amazed how He gets me there.

    Love you, R

    • JenDeshler November 29, 2009 at 2:42 pm #

      Rach,

      Quite a compliment coming from such a great writer. And you’re right–I think I’ve reached that point (with age, probably more than anything), where my title isn’t what matters. Having a positive impact on others is far more rewarding. I’m glad you understand that “back row” mentality too. Big hugs.

  7. Jenny B. Jones December 13, 2009 at 4:31 pm #

    Love this, Jennifer. Thanks for sharing.

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