I’m going to share two seemingly disconnected events to “set the stage.” Come along for the ride–it will all make sense in three minutes.
1. On Sunday evening, Mike Hyatt shared a post from Jason Wert. It was late at night, the house was quiet and I had time to read it. I think God set that moment and environment because it hit me hard. There were tears…lots of them. But in a “good cry” sort of way.
2.The next morning, I received an email that Lindsey had done a new post entitled “With Gratitude”. In it, she said this: “I truly believed I could just do my thing with God and I didn’t need to be “plugged in” to a religious body. But honestly after a few years of that kind of thinking, I discovered I wasn’t really even doing “my thing with God.” I was really doing my thing with me. And when I did find myself back in church, I couldn’t get past the vast distance between me and God. I wasn’t adequate. All I could see was sin, my sin.” Again, there were tears. I knew God was opening my eyes to a lesson, but I hadn’t quite grasped it yet.
Finally, this morning, I had the lightbulb moment and it’s been kicking my tail ever since (and still more crying). We all have one area where we are more sensitive and more apt to struggle. For me, it’s relationships.
Suddenly, there’s a road map running through my head of all the places where the enemy has attacked my heart through life. It’s amazing to me that of all the things I’ve struggled with and pushed through, at the core of most problems has been an assault on the relationships I’m involved in. And only those who really know me (ok, those I’ve let know the real me) know that I am probably one of the most sensitive, intuitive, relationally minded people you’d ever meet. The irony is maddening.
With this knowledge, I’ve made some very clear decisions:
- I will give with no expectations-I’ve always enjoyed doing for others, but that venom of “need” made me question if it was noticed, appreciated, etc.
- I will confront chaos-I have someone in my circle who has her own struggles and projects them onto me. It’s time for a “new day” chat.
- I will share my talents-Jason said something profound about giving his passions back to God and allowing Him to have full control. I realized that I’ve been keeping mine hidden away.
- I will fully plug back into a church community-Choosing single parenthood years ago didn’t go over well at my church. It was so painful that I became disillusioned with “church” and went from active member to sporadic visitor. I miss it. And I need it.
Normally, I’d pose a question to wrap up. But, today, I’ll end with this. So close to Thanksgiving, there’s much I’m thankful for. A child who melts my heart and was truly handpicked just for me to raise. Parents, both adopted and blood who love me in spite of my faults. Friends who have dug in with me. A workplace where I can thrive. But more than anything, I am thankful that God loves us enough to get to the hurt, expose the lie, and show us the path. His love is unfathomable. But getting in the trenches with us…there are no words for the emotion tied to that one.
Be blessed today!